The Retired Bloke

You clambered into the back of our car The start of your new family adventure  I’m sure I saw a tear in your eye As for your past you did surrender You loved your old folk in Hull You never wanted to leave You questioned why they wanted to part You felt the need to grieve Your new home felt so unfamiliar  With rooms without your scent You cowered in the corner Until you were content The first night was traumatic You barked, howled and whimpered   Your life had been turned upside down So sad for a soul so even tempered You realised you were in a place of love A place that you will forever be A life now settled and secure Our jet black furry beaut Robbie. 

I’m sat here in my garden A garden I know so well I’ve tended every square foot Not that you can tell I’m comfortable in my garden It’s serene safe and secure Is it wise to venture out If I’m honest I’m not sure  I’m a dreamer in my garden Plotting the rest of my life We’ve been through a lot Just me and my good wife I’m watching birds in my garden Living life so simple and free They sing songs every morning Is it me they’ve come to see I’m watching news in my garden Lockdown’s easing no doubt  Boris opens up the cafs and pubs So we can have a beer when we’re out I’m reflecting in my garden Whether I’ve missed not going out Or whether staying in a little while longer Is not a better shout!

Football, football’s coming home Aston Villa versus Sheffield United Game dedicated to Black Lives Matter I think I was in danger of getting over excited It soon turned out to be a snooze fest With Hawkeye seemingly still furloughed  It missed the goal in the back of the net Crowds would have boo’d if the gates weren’t closed Jamie Rednapp whispered on the touch line Insightful commentary certainly lacking No need for a highlight programme  As neither team seemed bothered about attacking Physios coming on wearing full PPE After added time, still nil nil The Premier League may well be back But kid me not this game was dull! 

Nothing could keep these folk in the shade The scarecrow builders of Woodland Glade Lockdown here has not been wasted Ingenious efforts have been created Bill and Ben lit up their garden Sombrero scrubber, boobs like Dolly Parton Keep two metres apart warns the PC The little mermaid relaxing under the sea Hagrid leant against a car Lockdown arms a virtual bar Superman clings to a wall Crowds in the streets loving it all Jo Wicks PE there for all to see Golfers playing off the tee Campers, boozers fishermen too Mario proud in his dungarees blue Worzel Gummidge and his aunt Sally People exploring every snicket and ally Scary beings with a severed hand Donald Trump with his Domestos brand Spongebob square pants has a wave Girl doing her exam, must behave Marilyn Monroe with her dress all floaty A pirate with his sword and little goatee Elsa, Olaf a little Frozen Smiles abound not one but a dozen Aliens look out it’s Doctor Who Minions, Potter, and Poppins too Apologies to those I fail t

Birds singing so sweet Nature’s own background music Drowning out my thoughts Lazing under shade Contemplating what to do Beers best in the sun Random clouds gather  A gentle warning of change Brollies needed soon. 

Stepping out of a cocooned existence Something inside is showing resistance Voices whispering the consequences  Teasing me tentatively back to my senses Stepping out to seek normality  Infused with a kind of irrationality Wanting to wade into a waiting world Fearing the virus could again be unfurled Stepping out to breath with other souls Daring not to breach critical controls  Glimpses of faces only seen on screens Praying for immunity and viable vaccines Stepping out to a world that’s been missing Instead of just sitting and reminiscing  Sounds and sights will seem so fresh and new The importance of life now clearly in view. 

I’m sat here on the sofa doing nothing, just killing time Even thought about writing a silly little rhyme I put my pen to paper then put it down again Couldn’t muster any enthusiasm so I counted up to 10 I thought I’d pour myself a drink, a cold one made with ice An orange juice, a splash of vodka and a little slice I gulped the thing down in one which made me quite light headed  A mixture of booze and sun and I soon felt a little shredded.  I’m now sat on the sofa doing nothing but killing time Wishing I was more active and not just craving wine. 

Beautiful day walking on sunshine Come on let’s dance be mine Be like those girls on film  Me Tarzan boy come swim In lavender fields with me Only you can set me free On Echo Beach the harder I try This never ending story bleeds me dry I know you’re a modern girl You sexy thing, too shy, like a pearl Each day I’ve been living in a box Use your imagination, don’t go to detox  I’ve been searching big fun Since I was 19 with Geno’s mum You were a centrefold, a good heart Our lips were sealed and that was a start As a slave to love I have to bite my tongue As we had it too much too young You with Black Man Ray and Leo Me showing out like a man child in Rio Hey you and the Rocksteady crew  Had such big fun became respectable, grew My senses working overtime, feeling I’m turning Japanese Such a good life ,able to do the buffalo stance with such ease Like I was dancing in the street giving a rebel yell I wanted to say let’s go all the way, could you tell I didn’t ask your name until you tol