Couch to 5k

“It’s no good” she said

I will have to lose some weight

As she struggled to get out of bed

“I want to have abs toned and tight”


There’ll have to be a stop to slobbing

Doing nothing much just eating

“Why don’t you take up jogging?”

She thought I must be joking


“I’ve heard of couch to 5k”

“A programme to help people like you”

She looked at me laughed and said “no way!”

“I’ve never been a jogger, it’s something I simply don’t do!”


Time went on she tried to resist

But I kept on nagging

Really tried to persist

Pointed out the sagging


Several slaps later

She gave in relented

And laced up her trainer

To a test run she consented


The first stage, a gentle walk

To get all loose and warmed up

Out of breath no need to talk

The moaning started I said “wassup?”


“I can’t do it it’s just too much effort”

“You haven’t started jogging yet”

“Bugger off my legs are starting to hurt”

“Come on love let’s build up a sweat”


I said trying to be motivational coach

If looks could kill I wouldn’t be writing this

I think on reflection was the wrong approach

If she had the strength a Glasgow kiss


Would be placed right on my bonce

Through gritted teeth she said let’s do it

A two minute jog started all at once

Although struggling she would not quit


She kept on going with the style of a baby elephant

Pounding the streets all ponderous and slow

An interesting style hunched up, very inelegant

At the one minute marker she hit her plateau


“I think I’ve hit my peak”

I looked at her with dismay

“I don’t think that I can speak”

Thank goodness for that hip hip hooray


Joking apart we got through the first session 

Of walking and jogging full of lively conversation

A thirty minute workout full of angst and tension

A true test of our marriage a proper examination


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