No Room For Zoom
iPad ready sat on sofa in living room
Debating whether we’re using FaceTime or Zoom
Our tablets balanced on a table precariously
Are you’re happy with that angle seriously?
It takes a time to make the connection
Wife wipes down the device for fear of infection
After a while they come into view
I think they’ve already had a few
They mutter something like can you hear me
Then do a bottoms up and a hi five...virtually
We sit together like on Mr and Mrs
It’s not long before the men are off for their pisses
Wine bottle well hidden not in view
It’ll be harder to tell that we’ve had a few too
Spielberg’ll have a duck fit when we slip out of frame
Happens loads when there’s a hint of a game
We sweat a lot at the thought of the pub quiz spot
But cheat on our phones just out of shot!
Women whinge at the blokey buddy banter
Complain that in lockdown her man doesn’t understand her
The girls witter as the blokes look bored
When talking about football the lads get ignored.
The call degenerates as we get more pissed
Start recalling best films like the Exorcist
Try to remember that great box set
That she thought was great but he didn’t get
We laugh at jokes that in the morning won’t be funny
And boast about how we’re saving so much money.
Remember laughing at old comics like Tony Slattery
But the night ends abruptly when we run out of battery.