Couch to 5k
“It’s no good” she said
I will have to lose some weight
As she struggled to get out of bed
“I want to have abs toned and tight”
There’ll have to be a stop to slobbing
Doing nothing much just eating
“Why don’t you take up jogging?”
She thought I must be joking
“I’ve heard of couch to 5k”
“A programme to help people like you”
She looked at me laughed and said “no way!”
“I’ve never been a jogger, it’s something I simply don’t do!”
Time went on she tried to resist
But I kept on nagging
Really tried to persist
Pointed out the sagging
Several slaps later
She gave in relented
And laced up her trainer
To a test run she consented
The first stage, a gentle walk
To get all loose and warmed up
Out of breath no need to talk
The moaning started I said “wassup?”
“I can’t do it it’s just too much effort”
“You haven’t started jogging yet”
“Bugger off my legs are starting to hurt”
“Come on love let’s build up a sweat”
I said trying to be motivational coach
If looks could kill I wouldn’t be writing this
I think on reflection was the wrong approach
If she had the strength a Glasgow kiss
Would be placed right on my bonce
Through gritted teeth she said let’s do it
A two minute jog started all at once
Although struggling she would not quit
She kept on going with the style of a baby elephant
Pounding the streets all ponderous and slow
An interesting style hunched up, very inelegant
At the one minute marker she hit her plateau
“I think I’ve hit my peak”
I looked at her with dismay
“I don’t think that I can speak”
Thank goodness for that hip hip hooray
Joking apart we got through the first session
Of walking and jogging full of lively conversation
A thirty minute workout full of angst and tension
A true test of our marriage a proper examination
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